Truth and Trust
Writing as a bridge to freedom - New Moon Musings from the notebooks
Tending the Rhythm
Yes. It’s a FULL MOON today. And the subtitle of this piece is New Moon Musings.
It’s not a typo. I wrote this on August 4, the last New Moon when I planted my seeds of intention for now. I felt inspired to refine and release this into the light now because, well we can always use a little more truth and trust can’t we?
And since I planted this seed, so much more has been revealed to me which is integrating into my body and life.
As this August Full Moon - a Blue Moon, illuminates the dark night sky, let us slow down with loving care as we cast our gaze on the shadows made visible. It is there in the stillness where we may just receive the very truth we have silently called for to bring us clarity and healing as we harvest the fruit of the lessons we need to learn in this earth dance.
And so it is.
Blessings on your journey,
Autumn
August 4, 2024 - New Moon
Today.
The word trust came into me in the dream space - the waking hour.
I gently rose out of bed holding myself in the liminal, not wanting to fully emerge into the waking world - yet.
I put on a pink dress.
I went wobbly out the door.
I walked to the creek.
I called in the seven directions as the water flowed.
I prayed. I asked for the message of the water.
I passed by the mugwort breathing in her medicine walking toward the river.
On the bridge, I paused to look down at the creek.
And there it was - the White Egret.
In 15 years on this creek, I’ve never seen it before.
I watched. I listened. I walked to the river onto the bridge and watched the water slowly flow.
I have decisions to make.
I don’t know what to do.
I walk. I listen. I am so quiet inside.
I wait. I empty myself of worry.
I come home slightly awakened now.
I vacuum the living room rug while my half caf, Balance Blend herbal coffee and mushroom drink is brewing.
Then I go to my sanctuary and write for twenty four pages of unadulterated truth.
My truth. Unfettered, unedited, raw, alive - me.
No shame. No guilt. No worry.
I have a lot to say. And nothing is wrong. My life is amazing right now.
I am growing into the greatness of myself. And not apologizing for it. I am claiming the whole of me - finally. And it feels damned good.
But decisions are decisions. They matter.
Leadership, self leadership requires a level of self knowing, self trust and radical honesty that is not for the faint of heart. I am a warrior of the heart and truth is my sword of clarity.
It’s not always easy to get to. Truth can be elusive. You must get still.
You must get still to hear the raw truth pouring through you. You must have an empty space to accept it. You don’t even have to understand it, but you do need to recognize it when you feel it. This is deep embodied work.
The runway to stillness can be quite a journey in itself.
Today, it was intense but easy.
The white bird was my companion, bringing me grace, showing me the way.
Writing is a matter of trust. That’s what I woke up with.
And I must have gone to sleep with this too.
Yes, I did.
Every time I show up to the page, I suspend my fear. I allow my freeze to melt a little. I warm my body and soul through the movement of my hand.
I surrender to the emptiness and I begin.
I don’t know what’s going to come, but I am ready to hold myself in the storm of it - the HeartStorm. I have cultivated the MotherArts to nourish myself through.
I am safe. I am loved. I am held in the sanctity of this womb space I have created for myself to thrive.
The words come - and I let them. I receive them with love and compassion. In this act, I receive myself with grace in communion with Spirit.
We are one.
Twenty four pages of Divine truth pours through me.
I don’t even know what I wrote. I will look back at it later.
I only know what I felt.
And what I felt was truth. The truth of me, as I am. Pure, innocent, light, fluid, radiant, alive.
I know this feeling. I am home, dancing with life. My body and soul are speaking to me and through me. I ought to listen. They have something important to say. It is for me to pay attention and take note.
Yes, I am the note taker, the scribe of my own life talking to me.
This is how I make decisions. This is how I discern what is what.
It takes time to develop this level of trust and integration. It takes time to honor it. But not as much time as it takes to unravel a life lived that is not aligned to the essence of you.
I’d rather take the time for the deep work. The slow work. The daily prayers and tiny rituals that activate my faith and courage. They anchor me in trust.
It takes courage to live in this world.
Meeting yourself gently where you are is a good first step.
Creative Emergence - entering the portal
Listen or read.
Truth and Trust - a Storypoem journey in four parts I. I’m not 100% percent sure what I’m doing here, but I’d rather be alone with my pen and my truth than be in a sea of denial that I cannot trust. Oh I learned this the hard way. Not by my own hand of betrayal, but one I was born into. One that stole parts of me and my childhood, my innocence and my trust. One day, I took a leap of faith and I began to write - again. Damning the fear, respecting the rage and honoring the pain. And it was as if for the first time. My voice spilling out onto the page in snippets of sentences free flowing through a slickery pen’s black ink. Free. Free. FREEEEEEEE! The momentum. The grace. The charge. I. Am. Alive. Yes. Holy YES! II. I will not go back to sleep under the freeway of my soul taker’s road, pitching my meager tattered tent beneath their broken bridges scuffling for a crust of bread. No. I am not homeless in my own body and soul. I will feed myself the spirit food of the Gods that made me. Ambrosia is mine. III. And then I rested. I wrote. I cried. I rested. I danced. I sang. I wrote. I rested. And then I was whole again. Saved by the mighty pen. again and again and again
IV. Where is my mother, I roared are you my mother? are you my mother? I’ve been looking for her everywhere I found her in me I found her in the soft lines of my hips the round fullness of my breasts the quiet whispers of my heart’s longing through the sound of my own song I found her whole and well filling me up with love sweet love The love I already had inside but didn’t know it yet I don’t need those motherfuckers anyway walk away your truth and trust are more valuable than any gold anybody could offer don’t you know it girl? you are the gold you are the fine you are the diamond you are the silver seed hold your respect and they will come to you they will wonder what you know and how you keep yourself in this crazy upside down world that teaches you to cut yourself don’t you worry sweet child you are mine I am yours forever shining forever shining forever shining in the brightness of God’s splendor there is no miracle too big too high too blessed Bring the starlight home into your heart and let it guide you now you’ll know you’ll know you will know
How’s your internal weather?
Permission to pause granted.
Awaken your wild, wise and whole woman.
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Words of praise
“Thank you for all of your gifts. Your presence, support, resonance and insight have been life changing”
- Molly
”Autumn is so wonderful, full of grace and beauty! I love being able to spend time with her every week with Nia Moving to Heal. I’ve never felt better.”
- Mary Lou
”Thank you so much for all of your grace and wisdom and most importantly your teachings.”
- Anahata
